This is me.

My verbal tumblr; my way of putting the mess in my head down.
My visual tumblr: http://my-visual-enticement.tumblr.com/
damn the accuracy in this shit as of recent.  Yesterday was a strange day. I was up until 5am the previous night so I was dead tired throughout the day. I was irritable, lazy, annoyed and frustrated. I didn’t want to do anything and everyone pissed me off. It was a buildup of frustration that added to all my other emotions. Around 5pm I went back into my bed and tried to sleep on and off. I remember dreaming…a strange dream. A dream with my family in it. We were at home, but I felt sad, distant, un-connected, and left out among my family (for many reasons in the dream). I remember going into the bathroom in my dream and crying. Balling. The second I woke up, I lifted my head and my eyes filled with tears and I straight out cried. Real crying…streams of tears, pressure in my head, gulps of breath, and moans of sadness…real fucking crying. I hadn’t cried like that in….a long time. It was so real…the dreams made my emotions come to the surface so much…it was so real and I felt it as I woke up. It was so strange…. I think a lot of the emotions had to do with how bad I felt for being so horrible all day: being mean to my sisters, snapping back at my dad, feeling guilty for laying in bed (not helping around the house or just not getting up at all), and all the other shit that’s been on my mind. Also, a major part of the emotions in my dream had to do with my mom. Even though we haven’t had the best relationship and we are far from having a “close” relationship, I miss her so much and all I ever want is to make her proud and for her to love me…..When i woke up crying I though a lot about my mom and how much I miss her and just want the best for her.  Also, someone on facebook posted a status about their dad passing away in their sleep the night before. It got me thinking how you never know when someones gonna leave you….my parents aren’t young; they’re, like, in their mid to late sixties and I thought about this while crying too…it freaks me out that they’re getting older and something could go wrong anytime….and how much I don’t realize this enough to make me appreciate them being around now more than I am….. :( Boy oh boy, it was a horrible dream and the strangest thing….but it really got me thinking…. ~Taylor <3

damn the accuracy in this shit as of recent. 

Yesterday was a strange day. I was up until 5am the previous night so I was dead tired throughout the day. I was irritable, lazy, annoyed and frustrated. I didn’t want to do anything and everyone pissed me off. It was a buildup of frustration that added to all my other emotions. Around 5pm I went back into my bed and tried to sleep on and off. I remember dreaming…a strange dream. A dream with my family in it. We were at home, but I felt sad, distant, un-connected, and left out among my family (for many reasons in the dream). I remember going into the bathroom in my dream and crying. Balling. The second I woke up, I lifted my head and my eyes filled with tears and I straight out cried. Real crying…streams of tears, pressure in my head, gulps of breath, and moans of sadness…real fucking crying. I hadn’t cried like that in….a long time. It was so real…the dreams made my emotions come to the surface so much…it was so real and I felt it as I woke up. It was so strange….

I think a lot of the emotions had to do with how bad I felt for being so horrible all day: being mean to my sisters, snapping back at my dad, feeling guilty for laying in bed (not helping around the house or just not getting up at all), and all the other shit that’s been on my mind. Also, a major part of the emotions in my dream had to do with my mom. Even though we haven’t had the best relationship and we are far from having a “close” relationship, I miss her so much and all I ever want is to make her proud and for her to love me…..When i woke up crying I though a lot about my mom and how much I miss her and just want the best for her. 

Also, someone on facebook posted a status about their dad passing away in their sleep the night before. It got me thinking how you never know when someones gonna leave you….my parents aren’t young; they’re, like, in their mid to late sixties and I thought about this while crying too…it freaks me out that they’re getting older and something could go wrong anytime….and how much I don’t realize this enough to make me appreciate them being around now more than I am….. :(

Boy oh boy, it was a horrible dream and the strangest thing….but it really got me thinking….

~Taylor <3

(Source: praecllarus, via glitter-it-up)

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